Reading people is about survival. We read people to understand who’s in front of us—friend, foe, or just another wildcard in the deck. Reading people’s intentions isn’t some fluffy skill; it’s the difference between getting burned and staying one step ahead.
You’re right to be cautious.
People are unpredictable, and if you’re not paying attention, you’ll miss the signs.
To read people, you have to decode the unspoken language they broadcast every second: the micro-expressions, the shifts in body language, the subtle changes in tone. It’s the art of seeing beyond what they say to the truth they’re hiding.
And let’s be blunt: everyone is different, and everyone has their own tells. One person’s tells might not be the same as another’s.
You can’t just jump to conclusions or make assumptions. To read people, you need to observe, listen, and then analyze. Look for patterns and inconsistencies.
Trust your gut, but stay open-minded because, at the end of the day, people will surprise you. Expect it.
Reading people isn’t exactly a science; it’s more of an art form. It’s a skill honed through practice and observation. But when you get good at it—when you can pick up on those subtle cues—you can avoid getting messed with, spot BS from a mile away, and keep yourself from getting taken for a ride.
You’ll uncover things most people miss: the shift in someone’s stance when they’re uncomfortable, the flash of emotion in their eyes before they mask it, or the barely perceptible change in their voice when they’re lying. This is where the truth lies—in the things they don’t want you to notice.
People will reveal themselves if you’re patient. You don’t need to force it. But remember, anyone can do anything, so don’t ever be surprised. Expect the worst, because even the best of us are capable of the worst. If you’re prepared for that, nothing will shock you.
You should read people to see the reality behind the facade. People might say one thing, but their body, eyes, or even the rhythm of their speech might be telling you something entirely different. It’s about picking up on the vibe that doesn’t match the words coming out of their mouth.
You know that feeling in your gut when something just doesn’t sit right? Trust it.
That’s your instinct, your survival mechanism kicking in, telling you that something’s off.
We read people to protect ourselves. It’s as simple as that. We do it to avoid getting blindsided by the ugly truths they might be hiding—the truths that could hurt us, damage our lives, or destroy our trust. We do it to make informed decisions about who we allow into our world, who we trust, and who we keep at arm’s length.
It’s not just about survival, though. There’s a deep need to connect, to understand the people around us. When you get someone—really get them—it’s like unlocking a new level of insight. And let’s face it, people are fascinating. Everyone’s a story waiting to be told, with their own drama, quirks, and complexities. Reading people is like being the detective in your own thriller, always piecing together the puzzle.
So, we read people because it’s in our nature. It’s how we stay ahead, protect ourselves, and make sense of the chaos around us. It’s a skill, a necessity, and if we’re being honest, it’s kind of a thrill.
When it comes to reading people, there’s a lot at stake. From a broken heart to complete financial ruin, people can cause damage in countless ways. They might mislead you with a straight face or spin legal tales that leave you reeling. So, you’re right to keep your guard up.
How do you read people? Look for the tells. If someone can’t look you in the eye, they’re hiding something. If they get defensive too quickly, they’re covering up. If their words don’t match their actions, their vibe doesn’t match their story, something’s off. And trust me, your gut will always know when you’re being lied to, even if you don’t want to admit it. You’ll feel that doubt, no matter how small.
This isn’t about paranoia; it’s about being smart, being aware, and protecting yourself from the harm people can cause, intentionally or not.
How to read intentions in people
Reading people is like looking at the cover of a book. You’re getting the overall impression, the vibe. It’s about figuring out who they are at a glance—are they confident, nervous, honest, shady? It’s surface-level, getting a feel for their personality or mood.
Reading intentions in people is cracking the spine and digging into the story. You’re not just interested in who they are—you’re after what they want. What’s their game? What’s their angle? It’s about understanding their motives, what they’re planning to do, and why. You’re reading between the lines, looking for the truth behind their actions.
You’re digging into the core. It’s not just what someone is open about; it’s figuring out what they truly want. This goes beyond the surface. You’re not just watching how they move or speak—you’re analyzing why they’re doing it. What’s their endgame?
Are they being genuine, or is there an ulterior motive? Reading intentions requires a sharper focus because you’re trying to uncover what someone’s really after, which is often hidden behind layers of behavior, words, and sometimes, deception.
What tells to look out for when you want to read intentions in people
- Using Emotional Triggers
Intention: They’re deliberately bringing up topics that will evoke strong emotions in you, hoping to manipulate your decision-making process to align with their goals.
- Pushing Boundaries Softly
Intention: They’re testing how much they can get away with, gauging your reactions to see how far they can push their agenda.
- Praising Your Competitors or Alternatives
Intention: They’re subtly suggesting that you need them or should consider them more favorably, possibly to gain a better position or advantage over others.
- Tightly Controlling Information
Intention: They’re selectively sharing details to keep you in the dark or steer you toward a decision that benefits them.
- Overemphasis on Mutual Benefits
Intention: They’re trying to sell you on something that primarily benefits them, under the guise of it being equally good for you.
- Sudden Silence or Withdrawal When You Discuss Certain Topics
Intention: They might be disinterested because it doesn’t serve their goals, or they’re uncomfortable with where the conversation is headed because it clashes with their intentions.
- Consistently Steering Conversations to Their Needs
Intention: They’re focused on ensuring their goals stay front and center, often at the expense of considering yours.
- Appearing Unusually Generous
Intention: They’re investing in you now with the expectation of a return, usually something significant, later on.
- Pushing You to Decide Quickly
Intention: They want you to act before you have time to consider all the options, likely because a delay would weaken their position or expose their true intentions.
- Offering to Handle Tasks You’d Prefer to Do Yourself
Intention: They’re looking to gain control or oversight in an area that directly affects your plans or decisions.
- Making Themselves the Victim
Intention: They’re trying to elicit sympathy to manipulate you into helping them or agreeing to something that benefits them more.
- Being Overly Concerned with Your Well-Being
Intention: They might be laying the groundwork to ask for something big, masking their request with concern for you.
- Frequent “If I Were You” Statements
Intention: They’re trying to subtly guide your decisions to align with their own interests, presenting their ideas as if they’re for your benefit.
- Changing the Subject When Discussing Your Goals
Intention: They’re uninterested in your priorities and are more focused on steering the conversation back to their own agenda.
- Offering Solutions Unsolicited
Intention: They want to be seen as a problem-solver or indispensable, potentially to gain influence or control in your decisions.
- Repeated References to Reciprocity
Intention: They’re subtly reminding you of what they’ve done for you in the past, setting up an expectation that you’ll return the favor.
- Sudden Intimacy or Confiding
Intention: They’re creating a bond to make you feel closer to them, often as a precursor to asking for something significant.
- Minimizing Their Own Needs
Intention: They’re trying to appear selfless to guilt you into offering help or resources. It’s a strategic downplay to get more from you.
- Persistent Eye Contact During Requests
Intention: They’re trying to assert dominance or ensure you feel pressured to comply with their request or proposal.
- Casual Mention of Shared Interests
Intention: They’re trying to build rapport to make a future request or favor seem more natural and less transactional.
- Sudden Shift in Tone or Interest
Intention: They’ve realized you’re valuable to their goals and are adjusting their approach to get closer to you or use your influence.
- Probing for Your Priorities
Intention: They’re trying to align their actions or requests with what’s important to you, possibly to sway your decisions or gain your support.
- Excessive Agreeableness
Intention: They’re looking to gain your trust or avoid conflict, possibly to get you to lower your guard before they push their own agenda.
- Redirecting Praise to Themselves
Intention: They’re subtly vying for recognition or leadership. By turning the spotlight on themselves, they’re trying to establish dominance or authority.
- Frequent “We” Language
Intention: They’re trying to create a sense of partnership or alignment, possibly to merge your goals with theirs or to make you feel obligated to them.
- Asking Personal Questions
Intention: They’re gathering information for strategic reasons. This could be to understand your weaknesses, preferences, or how to manipulate you.
- Offering Help Without Being Asked
Intention: They want to position themselves as indispensable or gain leverage over you. Watch out for strings attached later.
- Future-Focused Conversations
Intention: They’re laying the groundwork for something long-term. When someone keeps steering the conversation towards the future, they’re planning ahead, possibly involving you in their plans.
- Consistent Flattery
Intention: They want something from you, like a favor or support. Over-the-top compliments can be a way to butter you up for a request.
What are some of the intentions people hide behind misleading good/bad actions?
1. Gaining Control or Power
- Good Action: Helping you out when you’re in a tight spot.
- Hidden Intention: They want you to feel indebted, so they can leverage that favor later for influence or control over your decisions.
- Bad Action: Micromanaging or overly criticizing.
- Hidden Intention: They’re establishing dominance or trying to keep you in a position of dependency or submission.
2. Manipulating Perception
- Good Action: Lavishing you with compliments or gifts.
- Hidden Intention: They’re trying to build a false sense of trust or obligation, often to manipulate you into doing something for them later.
- Bad Action: Spreading rumors or subtly undermining you.
- Hidden Intention: They’re trying to damage your reputation to elevate their own or to control how others perceive you.
3. Securing Personal Gain
- Good Action: Offering unsolicited help or advice.
- Hidden Intention: They’re positioning themselves as indispensable to you, hoping it will pay off with favors, access, or opportunities in the future.
- Bad Action: Withholding important information or resources.
- Hidden Intention: They want to create a situation where you need them or have to rely on them, putting them in a stronger position.
4. Deflecting Responsibility
- Good Action: Taking on tasks or duties that aren’t theirs.
- Hidden Intention: They may be trying to shift the blame if something goes wrong, or to control the outcome more directly by managing everything themselves.
- Bad Action: Blaming others for failures.
- Hidden Intention: They’re trying to avoid accountability and protect their own image, while potentially setting someone else up as a scapegoat.
5. Creating Emotional Leverage
- Good Action: Excessive displays of kindness or generosity.
- Hidden Intention: They’re using kindness as a weapon to manipulate your emotions, making it harder for you to say no to future demands.
- Bad Action: Playing the victim or acting helpless.
- Hidden Intention: They’re trying to elicit sympathy, making you more likely to help them or excuse their behavior, even when it’s inappropriate.
6. Testing Loyalty
- Good Action: Confiding secrets or personal stories.
- Hidden Intention: They’re gauging how much they can trust you, or they’re setting up a situation where you owe them similar openness or loyalty.
- Bad Action: Provoking you or creating conflict.
- Hidden Intention: They’re testing your loyalty or trying to see how much you’ll tolerate before pushing back, often to assess how much power they have over you.
7. Advancing Self-Interest
- Good Action: Acting as a mediator or peacekeeper in conflicts.
- Hidden Intention: They’re trying to position themselves as the go-to person for resolving issues, which can elevate their status or control within a group.
- Bad Action: Stirring up drama or tension.
- Hidden Intention: They’re distracting from their own shortcomings or maneuvering others into a conflict so they can swoop in and “save the day” later.
8. Masking Insecurity
- Good Action: Being overly humble or self-deprecating.
- Hidden Intention: They’re fishing for compliments or reassurance, or they’re trying to lower expectations so they don’t have to meet high standards.
- Bad Action: Bragging or overcompensating.
- Hidden Intention: They’re covering up deep insecurities or trying to convince themselves (and others) that they’re more capable or confident than they really are.
9. Seeking Validation or Attention
- Good Action: Volunteering for extra work or projects.
- Hidden Intention: They’re seeking praise, validation, or recognition, possibly to bolster their ego or standing in a group.
- Bad Action: Being overly dramatic or making mountains out of molehills.
- Hidden Intention: They’re seeking attention, either because they feel neglected or because they want to shift the focus onto themselves.
10. Preparing for a Bigger Ask
- Good Action: Offering small favors or acts of kindness.
- Hidden Intention: They’re setting you up for a bigger request down the line, making it harder for you to refuse when the time comes.
- Bad Action: Dropping subtle hints or making you feel guilty.
- Hidden Intention: They’re preparing the ground to ask for something significant, ensuring you’ll be more inclined to agree out of obligation or guilt.
11. Gaining Sympathy or Manipulating Emotions
- Good Action: Always being the first to offer help or a shoulder to cry on.
- Hidden Intention: They’re banking emotional currency, setting up a scenario where you’ll feel obligated to return the favor, often when it’s inconvenient for you.
- Bad Action: Overemphasizing their struggles or difficulties.
- Hidden Intention: They’re playing on your empathy, making you feel guilty or pressured into helping them, even if it comes at a personal cost.
12. Creating Dependency
- Good Action: Offering to do things for you, especially tasks you can do yourself.
- Hidden Intention: They’re trying to make you reliant on them, either to maintain control or to feel needed, ensuring you don’t stray from their influence.
- Bad Action: Sabotaging your efforts or offering unhelpful advice.
- Hidden Intention: They’re ensuring you stay dependent on them, positioning themselves as the only one who can “fix” things for you.
13. Securing Loyalty
- Good Action: Doing favors without being asked or going above and beyond.
- Hidden Intention: They’re subtly securing your loyalty, making it harder for you to say no or go against them in the future.
- Bad Action: Gossiping or confiding in you about others.
- Hidden Intention: They’re testing your loyalty or trying to bind you to them with shared secrets, making you complicit or reliant on their discretion.
14. Masking True Intentions
- Good Action: Being overly friendly or accommodating.
- Hidden Intention: They’re trying to disarm you, making you less suspicious of their real goals, which might not align with what they’re presenting.
- Bad Action: Being vague or non-committal in conversations.
- Hidden Intention: They’re hiding their true intentions, waiting for the right moment to reveal them when you’re least prepared or more likely to agree.
15. Deflecting Suspicion
- Good Action: Overcommunicating or being excessively transparent.
- Hidden Intention: They’re trying to throw you off their scent, making you less likely to suspect them of ulterior motives by appearing overly honest.
- Bad Action: Accusing others of dishonesty or wrongdoing.
- Hidden Intention: They’re projecting their own intentions onto others to deflect suspicion from themselves, making you doubt your instincts or redirect your attention elsewhere.
16. Laying the Groundwork for Future Gains
- Good Action: Volunteering for tasks that don’t directly benefit them.
- Hidden Intention: They’re positioning themselves for a bigger reward or recognition later, or they’re setting up a situation where their contributions will be more valuable when it counts.
- Bad Action: Taking credit for others’ work or subtly downplaying others’ contributions.
- Hidden Intention: They’re setting the stage to claim a bigger piece of the pie later, ensuring they’re seen as the indispensable party.
17. Testing Boundaries
- Good Action: Being overly flexible or accommodating.
- Hidden Intention: They’re testing how much they can push you before you push back, figuring out where your boundaries are so they can manipulate them later.
- Bad Action: Crossing small lines or making minor offenses.
- Hidden Intention: They’re gauging your reaction to see what they can get away with, possibly preparing for larger infractions in the future.
18. Seeking a Hidden Agenda
- Good Action: Asking for your opinion or advice frequently.
- Hidden Intention: They’re fishing for information, possibly to use against you later, or to understand your thought process so they can counteract it.
- Bad Action: Offering unsolicited advice or opinions.
- Hidden Intention: They’re subtly trying to influence your decisions in a way that benefits them, often without you realizing it’s happening.
19. Creating a Favorable Perception
- Good Action: Going out of their way to help you in public.
- Hidden Intention: They’re doing it for the audience, to boost their image or to ensure others see them as generous and kind, often for future leverage.
- Bad Action: Publicly calling out others’ mistakes while excusing their own.
- Hidden Intention: They’re trying to position themselves as more competent or morally superior, often to cover up their own shortcomings.
20. Establishing a Dominant Position
- Good Action: Offering mentorship or guidance.
- Hidden Intention: They’re setting themselves up as the authority figure in your life, ensuring you’re more likely to follow their lead or defer to their judgment.
- Bad Action: Criticizing or undermining you subtly.
- Hidden Intention: They’re trying to keep you in a subordinate position, ensuring they remain in control or in a position of power over you.
21. Manipulating Group Dynamics
- Good Action: Playing the peacemaker in conflicts.
- Hidden Intention: They’re positioning themselves as the central figure in the group, making others rely on them to maintain harmony, which gives them control.
- Bad Action: Stirring up conflicts between others while staying neutral.
- Hidden Intention: They’re manipulating the group dynamics to weaken alliances or distract others from their own agenda, ensuring they can maneuver without resistance.
22. Hiding Self-Interest
- Good Action: Proposing plans that seem to benefit everyone.
- Hidden Intention: The plan is actually skewed to benefit them the most, but they’re framing it as a win-win to get broad support without revealing their true agenda.
- Bad Action: Opposing others’ ideas under the guise of playing devil’s advocate.
- Hidden Intention: They’re not just testing the strength of the idea; they’re actually trying to derail it because it conflicts with their own goals.
23. Securing Future Favor
- Good Action: Offering something valuable with no immediate strings attached.
- Hidden Intention: They’re investing in you, expecting that you’ll repay the favor when they need it most, possibly in a way that benefits them significantly.
- Bad Action: Giving you something you didn’t ask for or need.
- Hidden Intention: They’re creating a situation where you owe them, even if the “gift” is more of a burden than a benefit, ensuring you feel obligated.
24. Obscuring True Alliances
- Good Action: Acting as if they’re on your side in disagreements.
- Hidden Intention: They’re actually aligned with someone else but want to keep you in the dark about their true loyalties, often to manipulate the outcome in their favor.
- Bad Action: Encouraging you to take a stand on something, while they remain neutral.
- Hidden Intention: They’re setting you up to take the fall or to absorb any backlash, while they stay safely out of the fray.
25. Shaping the Narrative
- Good Action: Framing conversations or decisions in terms of shared goals.
- Hidden Intention: They’re subtly steering you towards a decision that benefits them the most, by making it seem like the logical choice for everyone.
- Bad Action: Repeating the same points or perspectives over and over.
- Hidden Intention: They’re trying to shape your perception or the group’s consensus, ensuring their viewpoint becomes the dominant narrative.
26. Gaining the Upper Hand in Negotiations
- Good Action: Being overly generous in initial offers or terms.
- Hidden Intention: They’re setting you up to feel obligated or to lower your guard, making it easier for them to push through less favorable terms later.
- Bad Action: Delaying or dragging out negotiations.
- Hidden Intention: They’re trying to wear you down or create a sense of urgency, pushing you into a decision that benefits them more than you.
27. Ensuring Future Leverage
- Good Action: Keeping detailed records or notes on conversations.
- Hidden Intention: They’re preparing for a future situation where they might need to use those records to gain the upper hand or to hold you to something you’ve said.
- Bad Action: Misrepresenting past agreements or conversations.
- Hidden Intention: They’re trying to rewrite history to gain leverage or to manipulate your understanding of the situation to their advantage.
28. Cultivating a Favorable Image
- Good Action: Publicly supporting causes or ideas you care about.
- Hidden Intention: They’re aligning themselves with you to gain your trust or to bolster their image, possibly to influence your decisions later.
- Bad Action: Quietly distancing themselves from you in certain contexts.
- Hidden Intention: They’re managing their image, ensuring they’re not too closely associated with you in situations where it might hurt their reputation or goals.
29. Creating Emotional Dependence
- Good Action: Being overly supportive during tough times.
- Hidden Intention: They’re trying to make you emotionally dependent on them, ensuring you’re more likely to lean on them for support and thus easier to manipulate.
- Bad Action: Discouraging you from seeking support elsewhere.
- Hidden Intention: They’re isolating you, making sure they’re your only source of emotional support, which gives them more control over your decisions and actions.